Thursday, January 26, 2006

Creative Genius #2

For some strange reason Libra has decided that tampons and pads have to be entertaining. This is an interesting development in the history of attitudes towards menstruation. We're progressing along the line (so nicely and simply explained in a web essay about menstruation by Nicki Sullings [Postscript: I was asked to remove the link because spammers were hitting her site, but if you search with those terms, you'll find it]) from a complete taboo on the subject to being able to say 'Yars, I decided to hang the Libra decorations this year' when showing your family and friends the white/red/blue/glittery Christmas tree.

I noticed today in the toilet (no, not pregnant yet!) that we're being encouraged to walk out of the loo and say, 'hey guys, did you know...!'

Yes, Libra have started printing bits of trivia on the strip of waxy paper that you peel off the pads to stick them onto your undies. They've creatively called these little snippets 'Odd Spots', presumably to help you laugh about the current state of your knickers. Apparently you're supposed to come out of the loo waving the bits of paper like a Fantail wrapper and amusing your friends with such interesting things as:

If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to supress [sic] a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
[JESUS! I'm bleeding between my legs and you're trying to amuse me with blood trivia??!!]

On average, 13 people die every year from vending machines falling on them.
[I shit you not.]

The largest number of children born to one woman is 69 in Russia.
[Ok. I'm menstruating. I'm either glad I'm not pregnant or sad I'm not pregnant. Thanks for tapping into those emotions.]

The bloodhound is the only animal whose evidence is admssible in an American court. [Blood again!]

An elephant can throw a baseball faster than a human. [Yes, I do feel like throwing something. This bit of paper into the bin. A rock at someone wanting me to leave the house for a nice bushwalk.]

Now, it's those last two that convinces me that Libra are not competing with Fantails for friends. They're competing with beer bottle tops and labels. Swap a bit o'trivia in the pub with your mates. Or are we supposed to yell them out to each other between toilet cubicles, maybe to make friends with the women in the next cubicle before you ask her for some toilet paper?

One human brain generates more electrical impulses in a day than all of the world's telephones put together.

Well, that's obviously a brain with more power than the mob who thought of this idea.

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