Wednesday, October 18, 2006

historical revisionism the Howard way

This is just the sort of history teaching in primary schools that Howard would like to see... the facts, presented with a jolly slant.

poor cookie

In case you can't read the caption, it says Captain Cook having the time of his life getting speared to death in Hawaii.

Here's a detail of the grisly deed:

really getting speared

[note the metaphorical redness of the trunk and leaves of the tree in lieu of blood.]

This was done by one of Bumblebee's peers (year 3), and it is, of course, hung proudly in the school corridor.

Another caption is funny, too, but the picture is the same photocopied ship as above, on a blue painted background, so I'll cut to the chase:

brutal facts

I don't think that particular fact has been taken on board over the last 100 years, but it helps that we're trying to teach this to the kids at this early, vital stage of their education.


Teej Mahal said...

Awesome. I love it when third graders are so cynical.

I need to dig up and scan my brother's classic 'I sor a ded snak on the rod. It was a ratoosnak'. *

I used to have it hanging on my bedroom wall. The snake in the picture actually has a Grouch Marx-style nose. Brilliant.

(* I saw a dead snake on the road. It was a rattlesnake.)

Tim said...

Very amusing, &D. Reminds me of the time John Howard was on the news and my then-five-year-old threw her hands in the air and said, "Oh, not him again!" I told her to get used to it - the rest of us have been saying that for years to little effect.

Ampersand Duck said...

Such is my familiarity with the spelling of small boys, Teej, that I didn't need your translation, although others might. Would love to see it.

Tim, we whinged constantly about JH in front of Bumblebee until I realised that it was having a real impact -- his teacher told me earlier in the year that all B's drawings were variations of Daleks killing Howard in assorted gory ways! Ahem.

lucy tartan said...

Wow. Some powerful historical vision at work there.

Mummy/Crit said...

As a small child I had a personal vendetta against Malcolm Fraser. (My excuse is that my mum and stepfather were involved in politics with the other side.) I held him responsible for turning of the fountain and closing down the carousel. Turns out we didn't know how good we had it...

I like the 'having the time of his life' concept with the Cook picture.

LadyCracker said...

aaaah.. the magic of childen. That first quote is particularly hysterical.

Lucy Sussex said...

We got Captain Cook for years in primary school in New Zealand and never got told he got partly cannibalized. Which would have actually made it interesting.

Try Jackie French's adventures of Cook's goat, which is good fun. The goat, like most goats, has atttitude.

Ampersand Duck said...

I really like Jackie's book about the convict boy (Tom Appleby); we listened to it on audiobook in the car. I'll check out the goat. Thanks!

momo said...

N rules!!! When I was that age, I went through a phase of ending all my stories with a Spike Milligan Goon Show-esque "And they lived happily ever after until Thursday". I'd heard it once, and thought it was a total cracker.