Saturday, July 01, 2006
Unscarred by the experience
We are child-free for most of this weekend,* but we still went and saw Superman Returns. I mean, Bumblebee will no doubt see it with his father (who will absolutely adore all the 'father/son' crap throughout it and will probably buy his own copy and watch it ad nauseum, just like with Finding Nemo), and if we don't watch it we won't know what the hell he's talking about for months.
Anyhoo, Best Beloved totally confused the child behind the ticket counter by asking for 'two tickets to Superperson, please'. By the time she'd worked out what he was asking for the line had gone in and we had to fight for decent seats.
It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The new Superman is a pleasing meld of Clarkville looks and Chris Reeve characteristics. Not too fussed with Lois Lane, but then I never was (the original was way too gaunt for my liking). Kevin Spacey and Posey Parker were probably the best things in it, along with the little Pomeranian dog.
I have a great ability to suspend disbelief. I can watch really crappy movies over and over and enjoy them. But to be honest, I would have found this movie much more enjoyable if someone -- anyone! -- showed a bit of bruising. I mean, everyone in this film gets bashed around dreadfully, over and over, and no-one bears a mark. The only person who gets wounded is Superman, and he's supposed to be indestructable. Just a bit of a scratch somewhere on Lois's body would have satisfied me.
This movie really does raise a lot of questions. There's of course the usual ones like:
-- How does the hair gel appear?' (I understand the clothes under the suit, but the hair?!);
-- Where do the glasses go?
-- Why doesn't anyone notice that Clark disappears for the exact periods Superman appears?
-- How did Superman beget a child with Lois without blowing her brains out?
But there's one issue that really nags at me. How does Superman find the time to be Clark Kent? Why bother, if he can always hear all the trouble in the world? Why isn't he out there 24/7? Surely there's enough trouble in the world to keep him away from his desk job? Or, like most men in the universe, does he have selective hearing and domestic blindness?
It really isn't a bad way to spend a couple of hours. Some of it's even a laugh. You know, that thing, at the back of your throat. Or maybe that's vomit...**
* We're picking Bumblebee up early tomorrow to take him to a ten-pin bowling birthday party. O joy.
** I should disclose that this has been written after a very large Indian meal and half a bottle of nice white wine. We went to a nice local restaurant with friends who also saw the movie. They liked the dog best too. We ran into another friend (Zoe's boss) at the cinema who fell asleep for the middle hour of the movie. Best Beloved envied him immensely. It was that sort of film.