Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Remember to purr

Things are going up and down here at &Duck world. I'm definitely getting better, but it's a slow and seemingly haphazard process. My days are good and during them I feel hopeful for a swift recovery followed by a relaxing holiday. However, I keep waking up in the early hours of my nights with horrible uterine cramps that make it impossible to lie still or quietly, so unfortunately Best Beloved tends to wake as well. We're both walking around with saggy baggy undereyes. It's become a cycle: wake up hurting, feel great during the day, feel positive around dinner, and then dread bedtime.

Last night it happened again, so I walked around for a while, then took some painkillers and lay back down. Mr Pooter decided to jump up and see what we were up to, which is quite usual, and then, quite unusually, climbed up onto me and lay on my womby bits and started purring. My first instinct was to push him off, but then I realised that the weight and the warmth were pretty good, a bit like a wheat pack, and a few healing purrs always help. Before I knew it, I was asleep, lying on my back with the cat draped on me, and I woke hours later feeling ok again. Clever puss.

The other DOWN thing is that I noticed that I'm getting a bit low on space on my computer, so I decided to do a bit of backing up and deleting to make some room. Unfortunately my addled brain got a bit ahead of itself and I accidentally deleted my whole photo folder, and before I noticed what I'd done, I'd emptied the trash. When I realised what I'd done I had what I can only describe as an Ovid moment: I turned into a crow on the spot, and started walking around the house flapping my arms saying 'FAAARKKK! FAARK!'. Metamorphosis back to human form took a while, I can tell you. I had the presence of mind to turn the computer off right away, and I've spent the last couple of days trying to retrieve the lost data in various ways, but Macintosh is too tricky, and even after buying equally tricky software, they have gone for good. And I eventually had to make a choice between trying to retrieve data for my own selfish purposes or doing some productive work for angsty clients who have been very patient over the last few weeks. So I made the sensible choice and started work again, which definitely overrides the lost files.

Luckily it is only the last 5 months worth of unbacked-up images (what can I say? I'm a busy, stupid girl), and a number of my favorite images are on cds and in other spots like Flickr, but when I wake in the night with cramps I think of lovely images I've taken which went straight from camera to the computer, things I was planning to work with (a lovely series of Sydney walls with gloriously peeling paint, for instance) that I will never see again. FAAAAAARRRKKK!

I know this sounds awful, but I think I'm grieving for the images more than for my lost pregnancy. Or at least, I can't tell the difference at the moment. But life goes on, and at least I still have the camera. And my sunny disposition :)

On the UP side, all your messages have been wonderful and sustaining and I'm touched to get so much affection and well-wishing. Special thanks go to Dean for sending me flowers last weekend, Zoe for sitting on the couch and not laughing at my greasy hair and satin, Fyodor for just being himself, and Laura for sending me the most exquisite hand-made handbag as an early Christmas present.* Plus Speedy, who should send me a proper email because I want to meet her ASAP.

All this niceness is overwhelming! It's as good as a holiday, RLY.

* I haven't got a single bit of tinsel up. There's a couple of Xmas cards from people sitting under dusty teacups, but you'd never think Christmas was so close from looking at our house, inside or out. This is habitual, so don't feel bad for me. I leave Christmas to those who are good at it, like my mother, who claims every year that she's doing nothing, then panics the week before and buys out everything she can see in the local Clints Crazy Warehouse. Every. Year.


Anonymous said...

Pooter thus proves my own adage, that happiness is a warm cat. I love that about cats - they pick up when you really need a cuddle.

Bummer about the photos - I do that sort of thing a lot. The feeling is heartsink. When it's an inexorable and irretrievable thang it does feel exactly like the lost hope of miscarriage. So no, not awful to say that. Just true!

Anonymous said...

Hey Ducky, smart kitty. Big healing boobie hugs to you (.)(.) nx

Anonymous said...

not laughing at my greasy hair and satin

(a) as if I'm in a position to laugh about anyone's hairdo, having neglected to get mine cut for a million years

(b) black satin lacy petticoat-y type arrangements topped with black lacy housecoat type arrangements attract my envy, not scorn. You may be surprised to hear this, but you actually looked rather marvellous.

(c)Serious bummer on the photos dude.

(d) I am also awake most of the night. Text me, I'll come over :)

nick cetacean said...

I've been reading your posts and have been unsure what I can say that would have any meaning beyond what everyone else has said, strained through the filter of a blogspot comments box...

But for what its worth... I hope youse get better...and everything works out for the best and bad luck about the know and so forth and &c


nick C

Ampersand Duck said...

Thanks, Nick.

Heh, Zoe. Midnight trysts at the corner... gawd help us.

Silky slidey bedwear is the bomb, except when you answer the doorbell and it's someone important or surprised (like the express mailman yesterday). I can't walk past the satin bedwear rack at Vinnies anymore: there's never-ending delights to be found.

I think I may have found the peeling wall photos. But not the bookbinding ones. sigh.

byrd said...

bummer and so on.are you around the bra for xmazz then?

Anonymous said...


Not the PHOTOS! I have nightmares about losing the photos. Glad to hear that you're mending slowly.

Jennifer said...

I wanted to add my commiserations (not a strong enough word, really) all round - not sure what else I can say really except FAAAAARK!

Mindy said...

Knowing both you and Speedy I think you are going to have a great time. I can hear the cackles already. Throw Zoe into the mix and who knows what weird alchemy will arise.

Glad to hear you are feeling better and you have such an understanding cat. Sometimes they just know.

Kerryn Goldsworthy said...

Oh the purring! Yes, the feline warmth and weight are always nice, but I think it's that steady rhythm of contentment, absorbed by a process of osmosis, that does the most good.

I won't mention the photos.

Anonymous said...

Best photos I ever took - and there was NO film in the camera. Thou snaps of you & Zoe gadding about midnight Canberra in assorted codes of dress, sleeplessly perambulating across drought crisp nature strips...take care

Ezra said...

Have you called a data recovery place? It may cost you some money, but you still may be able to recover some of those photos. Unless you used the "secure empty trashcan" feature in OS X (I think there's some kind of animation of a shredder involved), the data may be physically on your hard drive somewhere, OS X just doesn't know about it. I think the process involves some kind of software that just scans the bits and tries to find remnants of files.

It's the reason you should never sell a computer without taking a hammer (or a very strong magnet if you want to be gentle) to the hard drive.

Also, cats are the best.

Ezra said...

Also, the one I will never live down is improperly loading the film in my wife's camera for her when she was taking pictures before her sister's wedding. Ugh. (At least the camera did the same thing to her a few months later, so I wasn't quite so in the doghouse, but that still doesn't bring the pictures back).

Rach said...

Oh, Mr Pooter. Cats are remarkable sometimes.

I would like to add some belated wellwishing, also. I brainchecked out of the blogosphere a while ago and was shocked when I came back in. Hopefully you'll find your photos soon, Ms Duck. I also sincerely hope your body makes a speedy recovery.

genevieve said...

Dear me, I can't believe I didn't hear about your news-gone-bad and operation earlier, AD.
What a rough ride for you all. And I know what you mean about the accidental deletion, I have a few of those tipping point moments myself every few years or so (oldest, handicapped son should annoy me more, but hey! something else turns me into a crow.)
As you said in your earlier post, there is no quota on this stuff. I continue amazed at your strength and thank you for sharing the pain and contumely.
Hugs going down the wire....I hope they reach you quickly.

worldpeace and a speedboat said...

hey Ducky! I'm flattered :-)

I'll drop you an email some time this week, hopefully. I've been a bit slack in the communication department as the Xmas juggernaught approacheth.

hope you're continuing to heal, dude.

worldpeace and a speedboat said...

btw, if it's any consolation, I've only just found the (little) Xmas tree and some ornaments today. usually I like to put everything up 12 days before Xmas cos it's my birthday, but as with a few others this year, the mindset for the festive season seems to be out of kilter...